Throwback Thursday Review: 'Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides'

Sorry for the delayed review but this week I'm wrapping up my series of Pirates of the Caribbean reviews with my thoughts on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Next week I'll be revving up my Throwback Thursday Review of Cars in preparation for the threequel. Other reviews you can expect to see over the course of May and June include Throwback Thursday Reviews over The Mummy (1999), Cars 2, Transformers: Age of Extinction, and Despicable Me 2 in addition to new reviews over Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Wonder Woman, The Mummy (2017), Cars 3, Transformers: The Last Knight, Baby Driver, and Despicable Me 3.

'Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides' Review

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides sets sail with Captain Jack Sparrow, but there's a catch, he's both ship-less and crew-less this time around. When Sparrow catches wind of an imposter recruiting for a voyage in search of the fabled Fountain of Youth, he investigates only to discover former flame and daughter of Blackbeard, Angelica. Sparrow soon finds himself onboard Blackbeard's notorious vessel, the Queen Anne's Revenge, and learns that Blackbeard's hellbent on finding the fountain for fear of a prophecy that promises he will be bested by a one-legged man. 

On Stranger Tides allowed Rob Marshall to take up the helm of the franchise previously captained by Gore Verbinski. Marshall simplifies things but that only results in a restrained Pirates flick that rarely delivers the gung-ho and epic spectacle showcased in previous outings. On Stranger Tides has its moments but suffers from average action, poor pacing, flat characters, a stale story and lack of connective tissue to the original trilogy. 

At times, On Stranger Tides is able to recapture the wacky, wistful spirit of the preceding chapters but these moments are few and far between, largely quartered to the film's first act. The chase sequence throughout London and pub duel are enough to entertain audiences for a solid thirty minutes, but after our characters reach the water, there's not much to see aside from a savage scheme to capture a mermaid. On Stranger Tides lacks the epic set-pieces and inventive action to keep audiences engaged for the long voyage ahead.

On Stranger Tides marks the fourth Pirates screenplay to be penned by Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, who you'd suspect would have charted a careful course after four movies. However, the duo concoct a story that simply didn't need to be told. Elliot and Rossio tied a neat, nice bow for the finale of At World's End but find difficulty unraveling things to send Captain Jack off to make another billion for the Mouse House. The plot connects to previous Pirates movies by the single thread that Jack was searching for the Fountain of Youth and has little else to tie things together, going as far to trapping the Black Pearl's plucky pirate crew in a bottle so they're also out of the picture. 

Elliot and Rossio struggle in regards to characterization. Jack Sparrow works best as a character when when contrasted against full fledged heroes. Sparrow's the comedic supporting anti-hero so that juxtaposition is necessary to bring out any growth for his character, otherwise he's the same rugged rogue when everything's all said and done. However, On Stranger Tides places Sparrow front and center as the lead protagonist and doesn't bring any courageous souls as a source of variation. The screenplay even fails to give any characters much of an arc, considering almost all of them end up where they started to some extent. Elsewhere, Hans Zimmer composed yet another spectacular swashbuckling score that has some Latin flair thanks to guitarist couple Rodrigo y Gabriela.

The cast is composed of both veteran privateers and fresh sea dogs this time around since most of the original cast bowed out for this installment. Johnny Depp's portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow as the silly sailor never fails to amuse but he definitely seems to be on the verge of running aground. Depp's turn feels a tad worn-out and is more of the same that you've come to expect from the savvy scoundrel, the unexpected. Opposite Depp, Penélope Cruz is introduced as Sparrow's by-gone lover Angelica and projects a veil of mystery around her character, making her an interesting addition. While the two of them remain among the film's more entertaining pairings, it's a little will they/won't they with the relationship. This grows so tedious that viewers will be completely confused where either character stands when things are over with since their motivations flippantly flop around. 

Ian McShane brings a grounded gravitas to Blackbeard but fails to make his mark in the halls of the franchise's sinful scoundrels. Blackbeard just doesn't have the meaty malevolency that an accomplished antagonist needs so he's not particularly memorable once the credits start rolling. The reappearing rogues encompass Geoffrey Rush and Kevin McNally as former pirate, now British naval privateer Barbossa and dependable first mate Gibbs. Despite his changed allegiance to the Queen's navy, Rush exhibits all the seaside scurvy you can possibly imagine from Barbossa and is certainly one of the film's higher marks. 

The supplementary supporting characters include Sam Claflin's devout Christ follower Phillip and Astrid Bergès-Frisbey's melodious mermaid Syrena. The two were clearly meant to fill in the star crossed lover slot left open by the absence of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann but their relationship falls flat. The relationship isn't built on much of a foundation and feels crammed into the proceedings for the sake of having a love story. If that weren't enough, both actors are deliver one-note performances so neither of their characters feel fleshed out whatsoever. 

In summary, On Stranger Tides isn't without its merits but they're few and far between this bloated sequel. Rob Marshall's effort to simplify things only made the franchise all the more convoluted as there's simply too many new characters for audiences to invest in any persona. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides pathetically paddles behind its predecessors, desperately seeking hold of any thread it can to keep the franchise afloat. 

Film Assessment: D

Throwback Thursday Review: 'Snow White and the Huntsman'

This week I'm reviewing Snow White and the Huntsman to prepare for the release of it's prequel/sequel? The Huntsman: Winter's War this weekend that I should have a review for by next Tuesday. Next week, I'll resume more of my Marvel reviews, completing my thoughts on the Iron Man Trilogy with a Throwback Thursday Review of Iron Man 3, and the following week will do a Triple-R Review over Captain America: The Winter Soldier and then later in the week a Throwback Thursday Review of Captain America: The First Avenger and my full-in depth non spoiler review of Captain America: Civil War. 

'Snow White and the Huntsman' Review

Nominated For: Best Visual Effects and Best Costume Design.

I apologize for posting this a day late, but I'll outright say that this film is extremely difficult to sit through. I distinctly remember being fairly excited to see the film in theaters because Chris Hemsworth would be playing the Huntsman, and having recently seen The Avengers I was excited to see what he could do here. I also remember that this is one of the first films that I actually disliked seeing in theaters as I was starting to get a taste for critiquing films and having more of an opinion of movies aside from the "It was ok/good" or "I enjoyed it", and really prior to seeing this generally had positive opinions about most films. The one positive thing I can say about Snow White and the Huntsman is that it shaped my ability to critique film and allowed me to begin to form more of a stance on my opinion of all kinds of art. Prepare for an onslaught of negativity. First and foremost, the narrative is extremely flawed. There are abundant plot holes and lack of development in the plot or characters that amount to an incoherent mess. For example, many of the Evil Queen's action's didn't make logical sense despite the fact the screenwriters making her motivation clear. Like why does she bathe in milk exactly? And every character is static, showing no signs of progress or development for themselves. Really if I were to describe the film in one word, I'd be conflicted between "strange" and "boring". The strange elements are derived from many of the creative elements. The creative team must have an odd obsession with milky gooey substances because there's abundant liquid imagery placed throughout the film that was just gross. While some critics praised the visuals, I found them to look atrocious and thought they all looked jagged and unfinished. On the subject of visuals, the film's cinematography is abysmal. There seems to be almost no color palette onscreen till an hour into the film that makes the film all the more hopeless. There are a few impressive shots but the editing quickly takes away from any awe an audience member could possibly have in reaction. The editing in the entire film is off the wall as there are quite a few scenes featuring the Evil Queen with no dialogue that came out of nowhere and add absolutely no significance to the narrative or the film as a whole. The film tries many times to emulate the epic feel of The Lord of the Rings but falls flat on it's face as the action sequences suffered the brunt of the lousy editing as it has an unhealthy mixture of slow-motion and sped up footage. What I mean by this is that some portions of action occur too quickly for anyone to possibly comprehend what just happened and the slo motion is unnecessary as it's merely a slower take of a character's reaction to something that drags the pace of the action through the mud. If it weren't for the pitiful editing, the action scenes had potential to look awesome. In regards to story beats, the film tries to drag out of it's dreariness through attempts at humor and romance but none of it works. Now for the inevitable, the performances. Yikes. Kristen Stewart is awful in the role of Snow White delivering all her lines with almost no emotion or any indication she cares by lack of any facial expressions aside from a blank stare and a few very awkward faces. Chris Hemsworth is easily the best performance on display here with the only actor oozing any charisma whatsoever, and it's probably the reason he is the lead in the new spinoff/prequel/sequel? However, he has an inconsistent Scottish accent that he attempts to use that was a little bothersome. Sam Claflin is fairly decent as Prince William and fills the role well but the character he portrays wasn't given enough depth for me to care about. There's an assortment of dwarves of course, and they're utilized as an attempt to elicit humor but it never really clicked with me. Each of the actors are fairly mediocre and seem to be taking this as a paycheck gig so I won't bother listing out the actor's names. Without a doubt one of the worst performances in the film comes from Sam Spruell, who plays the Evil Queen's brother, and he embodies the personality of the over the top cheesy lame villainous stooge. The most praised performance seems to have been Charlize Theron as Raveena, the Evil Queen, but I stand to disagree. In every scene she's either screaming at everyone, spreading a malevolent gaze, or in some strange liquid. She's good in this capacity, but none of it is impressive in the slightest as the character is evil, purely to be evil. Everything aforementioned amounts to a bleak, dreary take on the classic Snow White tale that's just a snooze-fest.

Film Assessment: F