'Rampage' (2018) Review

Rampage follows Davis Okoye, a proficient primatologist who prefers the company of animals and shares an unshakable bond with an intelligent albino gorilla named George. When a genetic experiment soon goes awry, three animals (including George) are infected with a dangerous pathogen that causes them to mutate into ferocious creatures of enormous size. It's then up to Okoye and geneticist Kate Caldwell to secure an antidote and prevent the mutated monsters from destroying Chicago in hopes saving not only the world, but to cure George as well.

Rampage is the first feature-length film adaptation of an '80s arcade game which was directed by Brad Peyton and features a screenplay written by Ryan Engle, Carlton Cuse, Ryan J. Condal, and Adam Sztykiel. To quickly summarize my thoughts on it, Rampage is absurdly stupid. Frankly, I thought I was going to lose a few brain cells by the time it was over. So if you're hoping intellectually-stimulating experience, you're looking in the wrong place. With that out of the way, I'll say I had difficulty writing anything afterwards because one does not simply watch Rampage and find something profound to say about it. That would invalidate the experience of this mindless monster movie.

I could sit here and list out all the reasons why Rampage is a dumb popcorn flick, but I think there's only one scene description that truly does it justice. So, for whatever reason, Okoye ("The Rock") and Caldwell (Naomie Harris) are arrested by the Department of Homeland Security after George is tranquilized. I don't believe the film ever bothers to provide a legitimate explanation as to why they're arrested. It just happens. Beyond that gaping plothole, you'll notice that Okoye's hands are zip-tied together. So are Caldwell's. I watched in complete confusion as I questioned why the Department of Homeland Security would zip-tie someone they took into custody. Now, this wouldn't bother me if they were taken hostage by some low-level thugs or a criminal organization. However, this is the United States Department of Homeland Security we're talking about... I find it hard to believe a government organization would have any reason to use zip-ties over hand-cuffs. Maybe, there were budget cuts within the world of Rampage. Who knows... However, the film definitely had the budget for fake hand-cuffs at a production cost of a whopping $120 M. That's for sure!

So anyways, this question was eating me alive as I wonder why in the world zip-ties were used over actual hand-cuffs. It was perhaps ten-to-twenty minutes later when I got my answer. All of a sudden, "The Rock" breaks the zip-ties with his barehands to escape a perilous situation that only further reminded me of last year's reboot of The Mummy. Of course... It all made sense. It was merely another ego-boost for the bankable actor. As if "The Rock" needed more validation... I bring this up not only to articulate Rampage's lacking IQ, but to stress that you must turn your brain off to enjoy this movie. Otherwise, you'll find yourself bothered by such things as zip-ties like myself.

When I wasn't concerning myself with trivial subject matter, I was pummeled with an onslaught of dull expositional dialogue or some over-the-top, passively entertaining action sequences. The thought of sleeping in a theater hardly ever crosses my mind, but I found myself nodding off on numerous occasions... And trust me when I say I had plenty of sleep the night before... While even I can admit to enjoying the last twenty minutes to a slight degree, I'll say there simply wasn't entertainment value overall for this film to warrant a recommendation from me. The visual effects from WETA are okay, but nothing in comparison to what WETA has done in the recent Planet of the Apes installments. 

Now, I realize this was a slight departure from my regular review format and I could truly go on and on about the dreadful dialogue, superfluous story, paper-thin characters, and pathetic performances found in Rampage, but Rampage really doesn't deserve extensive discourse and I'm sure there's no changing your mind. If you're set on seeing Rampage, you'll probably see it and enjoy it for the senseless spectacle it aspires to be. Otherwise, you definitely shouldn't stampede into the cinema. Save your money and see Avengers: Infinity War next weekend. 

If there's one thing to be said about Rampage, it's that the movie's well aware of what it is. Rampage proudly beats its chest and parades around the multiplex as a big, dumb action movie. If that's all you're hoping to see, then by all means, go watch Rampage. You know whether this flick is meant for you or not. It's certainly the brazenly brain-dead blockbuster it is being advertised as. All I can say is that it's too bad that I wasn't able to go bananas for Rampage.

Film Assessment: D