I apologize for my near three-week absence, but classes recently started for me and I subsequently procrastinated writing a few reviews (this film included). In the time since I last shared a review, I've seen Slender Man, Searching, and Operation Finale. You can expect reviews for the other two relatively soon, so keep an eye out for those. Once I'm caught up, you can expect my reviews to be published on a more regular basis like you're probably used to.
'Slender Man' Review
A group of friends fascinated by the Internet lore of the Slender Man attempt to prove that he doesn't actually exist... until one of them mysteriously goes missing after summoning the entity...
Based on the formerly popular "creepypasta," Slender Man is directed by Sylvain White and features a screenplay penned by David Birke. As I'm sure you're also thinking, it can't be overstated just how late this film is in terms of pop-culture relevance. The last time I saw or heard of anything Slender Man-related prior to the marketing of this film was probably in the early fall of 2012. After that, the fictional being's popularity plummeted. In fact, I never cared much for Slender Man myself. It just seemed like another pointless fad that died out quickly after peaking in popularity.
Cutting straight to the chase, Slender Man is hardly a horror film worth seeing. There's occasionally some unsettling imagery to be found, but that's about it. Nothing noteworthy happens within the ninety-minute runtime, the characters are incredibly uninteresting, and there's no narrative flow so that hour and a half feels twice as long. Four girls summon Slender Man and he then haunts them individually. Rinse and repeat three more times. As a result, the story structure comes across as jumbled and repetitive. In addition to a boring and familiar central storyline, Slender Man juggles several other unnecessary and irrelevant plot-threads that just act to bog down the film. You'll be bored out of your mind within minutes and that feeling unfortunately never goes away... It's just a dull affair all around.
Beyond boredom, Slender Man failed to elicit any other reaction from me. As the film sluggishly dragged on, it became more apparent that it was clearly made as a cheap cash-grab. For only $10 M, Screen Gems and Sony Pictures likely thought they'd be able to coast on the recognizability of the IP and turn a profit opening weekend. Almost a month later, Slender Man has grossed a worldwide total of $43 M ($11 M of which came from opening weekend box office receipts). Otherwise, Slender Man features passable performances from Joey King and Julia Telles. Their characters were severely underwritten, but King and Telles rise above the material provided and convincingly act rather distraught.
Sufficed to say, you'll be hard pressed to find a film released this year more forgettable than Slender Man. I, for one, was indifferent towards everything which occurred onscreen. It truly was half-baked cinematic creepypasta.
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